Author's Introduction :

               Allow me to just say that yes, I am a Kevin Spacey fan, in a

               way. But I am not a crazed maniac.

               Researching this was NOT fun.  Halfway through the script, I

               realized - 'holy shit, I know very little about the guy, and

               that means I'm not really being true to fandom!' so I had to

               thumb through endless webpages, and the crazed fandom actually

               helped me shape Allison's personality - well, as much as

               one's personality can be carved from such a short film. ^^

               Keep that in mind. ;) I had to pick a celebrity that I liked

               for the focus of this short little snippet, and I thought

               Mr. Spacey would be quite funny.  Enjoy it.

               INT. ALLISON'S ROOM. -- DAY

               Start with a longshot of ALLISON, slowly moving in.  ALLISON

               sits on a pillow before her shrine.  The pillow is obviously  

               from her bed, decorated with a very girly pillowcase, kittens

               or yellow flowers or something really ridiculous, as opposed

               to being a silk or velvet cushion befitting a real, religious-

               looking shrine.  The shrine is slathered with candles of all

               shapes, colors, and sizes, most of which are blue and pink

               pastels, glittery, the kind of stuff you'd see at Claire's

               or in the Delia's catalogs. Star-shapes, hearts, just the

               most disgustingly lovey-dovey teenage-girly things imaginable,

               all over this shrine. Perhaps a corkboard with an animal-

               print border, on which are tacked print-outs and glossy photos

               of the "illustrious" actor, Kevin Spacey.

               All throughout this voice over, the camera pans over shots

               of the actress sitting in what appears to be meditation at

               the foot of her shrine, sitting in a lotus position (indian-

               style, I guess you could say) with her eyes closed.  The

               camera shows a CU of the shrine, and its autographed 8x10 

               glossies, movie posters, etc. The material should be of a

               wide range of the actor's movies.

                                     ALLISON (V.O.)


               ALLISON gives a really authoritative, fake clearing of her

               throat.  The actress should space out her words as if she is

               giving a regal speech.

                                     ALLISON (V.O.)

                         AHEM!  ...THIS is where I, Allison

                         Miranda Walter, am going to begin MY

                         TRIBUTE to the illustrious, amazing,

                         illuminated BEING that is Kevin


               A small dog's bark is heard in the background.  The dog sounds

               like a pomeranian, Chihuahua, or something else small and

               annoying.  ALLISON hisses her next line, as if trying to

               hush him.

                                     ALLISON (V.O.)

                         Bai-ley, be QUIET!!  This has gotta

                         be perfect.

                              (resuming her normal


                         Okay, so ...anyway.  The eeee-

                         llustrious, amazing, illuminated

                         being that is Kevin Spacey.  He is...

                         my deity.  Any actor can be connected

                         to Kevin Spacey in six degrees or

                         less.  I can link to him in THREE

                         degrees, much like Emma Thompson,          

                         who was in Remains of the Day with

                         Anthony Hopkins, who was in Legends

                         of the Fall with Brad Pitt, who was

                         in Seven with

                              (really stupid sounds

                              oral fanfare)

                         DA-DA-DA-DAAAA! ...

                              (pause, quietly, cutely)


               The camera makes a slow, circular pan of ALLISON, from her

               left side to her right side, sitting there in meditation,

               with a blissfully happy smile on her face, one eye

               occasionally closing more than the other as she sits there,

               pondering her future with her favorite person in the whole


                                     ALLISON (V.O.)

                         But me, like I said.  I can link to

                         him in three degrees.  My Uncle Jim

                         got put in the hospital once, and

                         Kevin was visiting some guy there, I

                         dunno, but that means I'm three

                         degrees to Kevin Spacey, and inches

                         closer to heaven. Kevin rhymes with

                         heaven. I mean, oh. My. God. It's

                         not just some coincidence, it's like


                                     MOM (O.S.)

                         Allison!  It's ready!

                                     ALLISON (V.O.)

                              (angry sigh)                          

                         COMING MOM!  ... I'll have to pick

                         this up after dinner.

                              (more cheerfully)


               As the camera reaches her right side, she reaches down and

               turns off a voice recorder.  The shot goes to black.

                                                                   CUT TO :

               EXT. POST OFFICE. -- DAY

               ALLISON walks into the Post Office.

               INT. POST OFFICE.

               ALLISON stands, thumbing through a mess of envelopes with an 

               expectant look on her face.

                                     ALLISON (V.O.)

                         I've been collecting Kevin memorabilia

                         for about a year now, and in that

                         brief time I think I have honestly

                         become his most loyal and devoted

                         fan. I probably have more copies of

                         his signature than HE does.

               INT. ALLISON'S HOME.

               ALLISON flies down the stairs of her home with an envelope

               in her hand (please assure that the actress does not kill

               herself doing this, or I would really feel retarded), looking

               ridiculously happy, diving for the couch, ripping it open

               and grabbing a phone at the same time.  She dials her best 

               friend's number, then rips out the letter within the envelope.

               She looks ecstatic as she holds the letter open to view, the

               phone resting between her cheek and her shoulder, but suddenly

               her expression changes from joy to a complete and utter

               neutral. No emotion whatsoever. She hangs up the phone without

               waiting for her friend to answer, then sits there with a

               fairly disappointed look crossing her face.

                                     ALLISON (V.O.)

                         The last letter I got from him was a

                         couple of months ago, and I really

                         am sad to say that he hasn't written

                         since.  I keep checking every day,

                         but despite all the happiness I

                         receive through my subscription to

                         many Kevin mailing lists and fan

                         clubs, I am                   

                              (slight whiny voice)


               INT. POST OFFICE.

               ALLI flops her hands on the counter, holding the letters,

               staring into space at eye-level, looking somewhat sad.

                                     ALLISON (V.O.)

                         Okay, so Kevin's last letter to me

                         wasn't really from him -- it was

                         from his lawyer.  But he is a VERY

                         busy man!  He's just playing a clever

                         game with all that legal jargon.

                         Swimming with Sharks, you know.

               EXT. POST OFFICE.                              

               Allison walks out of the post office, thumbs under the straps

               of her pink-and-purple backpack, slightly pouting as she

               comes out into the sun.  She looks dejected and thoughtful,

               and looks both ways before staring down at the handful of

               letters in her hand.

                                     ALLISON (V.O.)

                         I mean, why would he need a

                         restraining order when we don't even

                         live in the same state?  He's just a

                         big kidder, that's all.  He knows

                         what he REALLY wants, and I am willing

                         to bet 100% that that something is

                         ME, Allison Miranda Walter!

               As the last part of the voice-over is spoken, ALLI starts to  

               look sort of hopeful, and gets on her

               bicycle/scooter/transportation gizmo. She wheels off towards


               INT.  ALLISON'S BEDROOM.

               The sun is shining, she sits straight up in bed as if thinking

               "this is the day!" with a bright grin on her face. She leaps

               out of bed. She was...already dressed.   This part should be

               really cheesy, as if some really lame, pop-ish girly song

               were playing in the background. Very "Legally Blonde".] [The

               shot is now from a hand-held camcorder. The little red light

               blinks and says "REC" as is... expected of a camcorder.

               ALLISON sits down in front of the camera, and a shot of her

               very girly, very Kevin-obsessed bedroom is seen behind her.

               She pulls BAILEY into her lap and smiles, preparing to speak

               into the camera.                


                         Okay. So.

                              (She looks around,

                              and grins at the

                              camera as if unable

                              contain her excitement)

                         Today is the day. This is going to

                         be SO awesome. So, the next time we

                         meet, hopefully I will be finishing

                         up this little tribute on a happy

                         note. Kevin rhymes with heaven, and

                         that's where I'll be in thirty-two


                              (She looks very

                              excited, and looks

                              down at her watch)               

                          Eeeeeee!  Time to go! MMMWA!

               She turns the camera off.  Cut to black.

                                                                   CUT TO :

               STATIC, FOR 1-2 SECONDS.

               INT. HOTEL ROOM.

               ALLISON looks quite exited, though in a contained sort of

               way, as if she feels quite cool and proud of herself.


                         I have returned to begin wrapping up

                         my video tribute!   My trip has been

                         a real mess so far, but the Usual   

                         Suspects were present, so it's been

                         sooooo worth it.

                              (She winks big,

                              implying that she

                              has made oh, SUCH a

                              funny joke)

                         For BEHOLD!  I have secured a

                         photograph of priceless value!  Look!

               ALLISON holds up a photograph of herself standing on a

               sidewalk at night and in the very left of the photo is a

               man's hand, as if someone was passing by.  Her finger points

               to the man's hand.


                         Is that a hand belonging to my loooove

                         angel?  I think it is!                 

                              (She cuddles the

                              picture, looking up

                              to the ceiling as if

                              talking to God)

                         I would have asked for an autograph,

                         but some cop got in my way and he

                         kept moving every time I tried to

                         get around. I think he had a hearing

                         problem, because I said "I'd like to

                         speak to Mr. Spacey" and he was like

                         "Yes, miss, I know" and he was just

                         REAL weird.

               ALLISON makes a face and looks sideways as if the man were

               there, to imply that he was a little nuts, the kind of thing

               you'd gesture to a friend if the person was in the room,

               really subdued and "subtle".  She shrugs, looking at the  

               picture and gives a sigh of heavenly bliss.


                         I know he saw me... cause he started

                         walking real fast, and I would have

                         chased after him but that nutty cop

                         told me to get off the sidewalk. I

                         mean, what was his problem?


                         But by a

                              (wink, another joke)

                         Show of Force, I got the cop to move,

                         but Kevin was already out of my sight.

                         I'm sure he was disappointed when he

                         realized I hadn't been able to catch

                         up... but I mean, he could have come

                         back, you know?  Bleh.                    


                         But it's all part of the game of

                         love, and I have IRON WILL! Heh,

                         heh.  Gotta get my American Beauty

                         rest so that I can do some Kevin-

                         spotting tomorrow. Ta!


                         Remember, Kevin rhymes with heaven!

               ALLISON reaches over and turns the camera off.  Cut to black.