Big fatty slices

By
Christian Stella
EXT. STREET -- DAY
Two twenty-something year old brothers are sitting on the curb.  The first brother is in deep concentration.
first brother
Don't you ever wish you could change your name, but then you feel guilty for even toying with the idea?
SECOND BROTHER
You can change your name... legally.
FIRST BROTHER
I mean... without offending your parents.
SECOND BROTHER
Well then... no.  I'm quite content with the name Steven anyway.
FIRST BROTHER
You've never thought of it?  Not even once?  Everyone must have at one time or another!
Steven
Nope.  Not me.  Can't say that I have.
(he pauses)
You're not happy with your name are you?
FIRST BROTHER
No, no, no... my name is fine.  It's just that-
STEVEN
You're mad because mom and dad named you Big Fatty Slices.  That's what it is... isn't it?
Big fatty slices
What?
STEVEN
I wish I had a name as creative as yours!  And so I lied!  I have thought about changing my name... it's just... I always wondered why mom and dad weren't as creative when it came time to name me.  Heck... they weren't creative at all.
BIG FATTY SLICES
What are you talking about?  My name is Greg.
STEVEN
But the kids in school... they always called you Big Fatty Slices because of the karate-arobics class you took to lose weight.
BIG FATTY SLICES
No they didn't.  And I've never been fat in my life.
STEVEN
Then it must've been those after school golf lessons in high school.  They called you Big Fatty Slices because of your big fat golf slices.
BIG FATTY SLICES
Golf lessons?  My name is Greg.  Plain old Greg.  I've never had a nickname... never been called Big Fatty Slices.
STEVEN
Oh... so I'm crazy?
BIG FATTY SLICES
You're joking right?
STEVEN
I'm crazy!  You're name is Big Fatty Slices or I'm crazy!
BIG FATTY SLICES
Well it's not my name.
Steven stands up, shocked and appalled.
STEVEN
(accepting)
I'm crazy.
BIG FATTY SLICES
Sit down.  We can talk about this.
stEVEN
I can't.  I've got a bird to be.
He outstretches his arms and flaps them like a bird as he runs down the street; squawking.
stEVEN (CONT'D)
SQUAWK!  Big Fatty Slices!!!  SQUAWK!  BIG FATTY SLICES!!!

FADE OUT