French Space work out a title sequence. duel of death with monsters in desert. 1.(an intro to this ship's style) Ext - Deep space full of stars. A spacecraft shaped like a snail cruises across the screen. Int - Spacecraft This is the diary Of Space Chef Renoir Delacour. Date and time : are unimportant in space. The crew constantly complains about the food. They said they want to eat veal. I said that cattle have been extinct for three years. But they do not care. Time may be running out for me. The truth is, I also miss veal. Every night i dream, of a forbidden fantasy of the tender hiney meat of the baby cattle. I chew it. Chew it. Chew it until all flavor is gone. But when i wake, I am covered in last night's sticky leftovers. It is tre' unbearable. They are too imbecile' to understand the pain they cause me. The captain will understand. I must contact him before it is too late. I have a jar of standard military issue steer sperm preserves. I must convince him to stop on a passing planet and let me impregnate some livestock. Anything with four legs will do. I must create something stupid that moves slowly and pisses milk, as soon as possible. Sooner. We must have veal before I am eaten in its place. INT - officer's deck Space diary of space officer Antoine Cliche'. Space. It's so cold. I'm lonely. There, is a lonely, cold space, in my heart. No amount of space exploration can fill this space. There is no point to go on. Existence is suffering. I shall end myself this week. this night, this hour. But first, I would like to eat a properly prepared dish, a light Mousse de Saumon et Capres savior avec a les veal polenta. But the chef is a fool. I do not expect this wish be fulfilled. Now some cognac would fill the holes of my very soul. 3. (tangent) This is the journal of the S.S.Escargo's chief medical officer, Jean Rimbaldi. I do not understand how the doors on this ship operate. I must get out. I have made desperate cries for help on the intercom system, but no one replied. Perhaps they do know how to reply. Perhaps they too cheated on their entrance exams. Perhaps they all died months ago and I am alone on a ghost ship. At least I can eat the torrid dog food that the ship sadistically delivers to the chow chow delivery chute each night. At least I can play around with the colored tubes and vials in the cabinets and pretend to learn something about medicine. Each morning I shout "50 ccs of medrichlotinate, Stat!" before pouring something very pretty on my shoes. I have also learned to dance very well, but do not know the source of my inspirations. Perhaps the stars are speaking to me. and the only language they understand is flaminco. 4. (finally) Captain's log, stardate : whatever. The food on this relic is shit. I must have the chef killed. I would rather my entire crew starved to death than be subjected to anymore of this inferior cuisine. Torture is a crime. Last week's grapefruit Soufflé au Fromage was a sin against nature. It is driving me mad. Tomorrow I would stop eating. Yes. Yes. Tomorrow I will kill someone. 5.TITLE SEQUENCE 6. Establish the bridge, a lacksidasical parody of the original star trek serie's bridge. Each person a french cliche. The captain tries to kill a few people, but the ship's auto safety mechanisms stop him. first officer report and the cap tries to kill annyoing officers. gun laser knife. bomb with lit fuse smokes death sticks. he gives up and lays across his command chair, smoking, he demands wine. A merezipon war ship comes out of hyperspace and locks lasers on the SS Escargo. The french crew begins to freak out- it's the merezipon. go to red alert. go to defon 4. where are my hats. i gotta put my hat on. lift up a cake he just baked. throw a pie. 7. The hardened Merezipon soldiers recognize the SS Escargo as a french exploration ship, and decide to just run away before things get silly. like evil klingons who's our first victim. sir, it's the frenchie inter-galatic snail ship. god damn frogs!!!!! (frog mascots) 8. The french ship erupts in chaos at their assured destruction. They go to mauve alert and everyone looks to the captain for a crazy plan to save their lives. Random people call him on the view screen from around the ship to complain. But the captain cannot be bothered. "this wine is piss," he offers, and manages to nail a lowly delivery bot in the head with the thrown bottle. crew on the ships calls him. like crew asks (what should we do) perhaps the orion manuvre you pull in the academy. cut right to: deck 7 - 24 lose pressure for no reason. everyone asks captain for what to do. communication officer. - woman big tits security officer. - medalion hot shot pilot has two heads super smart but humble droid rodeo cowboy clown - 9. Space officer Antoine Cliche leaps into action and fires mimes. Nearby Communications officer Marie Anna Beloom is so impressed by his actions she makes out with him. The mimes fly through space then pretend to explode on the surface of the fleeing Merezipon war ship. 10. The merezipons fire lasers to scare the the french ship off. 11. Space officer Antoine Cliche contacts engineering to see how bad the psychological damage is. The head engineer reads him a poem. Space officer Antoine Cliche asks Marie Anna Beloom to put it on the view screen, but she accidentally beams it to the Merezipons instead. They are confused and frustrated that they cannot shake off the frenchies, and begin to unravel. Antoine and marie begin to make out again. damage report what damage the psychological damage. the engineer reads off a poems. the main reactor core is the fireplace that all engineers sit around like a coffee bar. 12. The captain puts cigarettes out on his arms. Chief Medical Officer Jean Rimbaldi calls for help on the intercom and further confuses the french crews. the above 2 events are unrelated. the guy from beginning is high off drugs and calling for help... hhhhheeeeeelllpppppp meeeee.... heeellllpppp meee..... external shot of the ship running into astroid and bounces off. 13.a chef comes to the bridge and does a melvielle routine. he asks questions and noone knows what he's doing. 13. The french Chef, Renoir Delacour, finally makes it to the bridge, and completely screws up his pitch to the captain. He accidentally sprays steer sperm on everything and the captain succeeds in stabbing him in the heart. "Die you fiend, die. Yes. YES!" the captain growls. Chief Medical Officer Jean Rimbaldi dances and does drugs. the chef fears for his life. the chef wants the captain to stop on some planet so he can impregnante the cows. oh my god i'm spraying sperms on everything!!! short circuit sparks on control panels. the steer sperms clogs the safety lasers that has been stopping the captain. captain kills the chef and chef spits ton of blood on captain's face. 14. The Merezipon war ship flies into a sun to escape, killing all aboard. aaaaahhhhhhh TAKE EVASIVE ACTION INSTANT DEATH little puff of smoke and the french ship dramatically runs through it. 15. The french ship resumes it's casual patrol of the galaxy. (?) groaner joke. well captain what shall we do next. out of a frying pan into the fire. out of the rock and into the space. everything are covered in sperms and everyone are oblivious to it. pans to the dead chef on the ground. cut to the exterior shot of the space taking off into hyperdrive. THE END 2 guys talks about how cold it is in space and they get twitchy. deck 24-27 just decompresses. _____________________________________________ http://www.warrenblyth.com/ giant beret that's really floppy scarf around the throat the poilet should be dressed like sailor the deck crew dressed like village people. need robot. - safety robot - robot has something comes out of his crotch and sticks into the outlet like R2D2 style and explodes. mimes - captain "fire" (captain kirk moment.) cut to torpedo bay the mimes is loaded into the coffin like spock. but they just fly out of the torpedo port. shot of them hitting the marzapan space and pretend to explode. rodeo clown show up in space suit later on and says (I'll ride em') leg brace. the pandemonium and the french crew starts playing much and starts singing a la triplets of belville style. oh my god they're singing, turn off the intercom/ wild at heart tribute. note to do: coming up with variety of french accents. make sure we've got funny voices. they are so scared they all starts to speak french for a couple of seconds. set design of crossant and french tower. food schute - stuff just comes out of it.